Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam"
Two peanuts walk into a bar One was asalted.
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
"Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
Two fish are in a tank One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"